Was it Monday or was it just me?

White Trash Woman: I need help with a prison matter.

Me: Okay, ma'am is it a state or federal prison?

WTW: I'll let you figure that out at the end. First, you have to hear my story.

Me: Alright, go ahead.

WTW [the short version]: My daddy died in prison from liver sorosis. My brother got the same thing when he was in the same prison as my daddy but I got him better by making him drink bottles of aloe vera gel. My son is now in prison-

Me: The same prison or a different one?

WTW: A different one... it's [gives name of prison so I can Google it]. Now, he's had a broken hand since he first got in there almost two years ago and none of the doctors will treat it. And he had a really good job in the kitchen there and had to be up in there at 3:00 in the morning every day. But then, the lunch ladies or whoever the hell they are started telling him to give them sexual pleasure and fuck them or else they're going to report him to the Warden for sexual har-ASS-munt and they'll start a CASE on him. Now, I don't care that he's fucking them. They're actually doing him a favor. I know he likes to fuck and at least I know he's not fucking any of those men he's in prison with.....

WTW then goes on and on with her story and getting more and more upset by the end of it. I had figured out that her matter was of state jurisdiction and we couldn't do anything for her after she told me the name of the prison. So, I had to listen to her talk about this for about ten more minutes before I could tell her to call her State Senator.

THEN

An African-American man who had been convicted and served time for two felony kidnappings (among a few other illegal acts) called wanting God knows what about his Social Security Disability. He yelled at me and told me to stop giving him "the run-around" and giving him "setbacks" while I was trying to tell him that he wasn't in our district so we couldn't do anything for him. He wouldn't hear anything about it so he asked for someone with "ah-thor-ah-teh" in a voice that sounded just like Cartman from South Park. While I was dying laughing, I transfered him to the case worker I was there with. The guy ended up hanging up on the case worker. The guy called back about 15 minutes later and proceeded to yell at me some more before I yelled back at him and finally hung up on him because he was being so unreasonable and difficult to work with. The third time he called, another staffer tried to talk to him and tell him to call the other congressional office in town and after he wouldn't, she told him that he wasn't allowed to call our office again so he hung up on her. We didn't hear from him again for the rest of the day.

Did these crazy people call because it's a Monday or did they call just because they know I'm working? The case worker told me they haven't gotten such crazy calls before I started interning there. I attract the crazies. No wonder I'm still single.

Crazy Friday

It was just that kind of day were the most random people called the office. It was just the 28 year-old case worker and I today and we laughed for about 15 minutes straight after our very first caller of the day:

Me: Good morning, office of Congressman Badass.

Indian Man: Yes, I have a question. I have three wives over in India and I was wondering if it was okay if I married another one.

Me: Well, yes, that's okay if it's legal in India. Are you a permanent resident or a citizen?

Indian Man: I'm a permanent resident.

Me: Do you have a wife here?

Indian Man: We recently got divorced. [I'm hoping this was after she found out about his three other wives.]

Me: Okay, very good. Is there anything else?

Indian Man: Yes. Can I bring my wives over?

Me: Um. No... That's illegal in the United States. You can being one over but...

Indian Man: Oh, no, that's okay. That's fine. I'll just pick my favorite one and the rest can stay there. Thanks! -Click.-

WHAT?! We talked about that exact type of situation in my globalization class but I never thought I'd ever encounter it in person. Ri-damn-diculous. 

I also found this hilarious video this morning... High Five!

Girl, breaking's what your heart is for.

La Fonda: Do you know where the moon is?

I hesitantly point straight up to the ceiling with a "wtf?" look on my face.

La Fonda: No, you idiot! I know where THAT moon is! I was talking about the bar!

There's nothing like a little humor to start a blog post. 

I had a quasi-meltdown last night. It was like BAM! everything I have to do this semester (aka the world) settled itself squarely on my shoulders and I stumbled. I don't like stumbling or faltering or anything of that sort. I'm a composed, driven person who knows what she wants and how to get it...

Except some things just seem so far out of my reach and out of my control. Feeling out of control is horrible. 

Last night I had the same dream I've had about 4 or 5 times in the past couple of months. I went to this dream interpreter to try and decipher the code my noggin is giving me. Here's the short version: I'm apparently fucked up in the head. The weirdest part about it is that the symbols supposedly mean a lot of stuff that's completely relevant to my life right now. It's kind of like when you read a horoscope that just so happens to coincide with how you're feeling about life at that point in time. AND today when I was at yoga, the instructor read this little passage thing at the end of the class and I felt like she had picked it specifically for me. It was eerie. 

So, now I take a breath and another step forward...

Overwhelmed.

UPS brought my LSAT prep kit today. I don't think a stack of books has ever intimidated me before until I saw this massive mountain of LSAT goodies.

What have I gotten myself into this semester?

What a Pleasant Surprise...

I made the Dean's List last semester! Huh. Who would've thunk that after failing Elementary Statistics my freshman year I'd eventually make it onto the Dean's List. Not me. I'm very proud of myself though... It's like a monumental achievement for me and provides excellent motivation for this semester. Which means I will have absolutely no social life.

Alpha Gay and I went to look at a two-bedroom apartment today in a really nice new complex. We sort of fell in love with one of the setups. And it'd only be about $100 more a month for me minus the high maintenance psychotic roommates I currently live with. Daddy, lets weigh the options! 

Sidenote: I really don't like calling my dad "Daddy." It's too girlie and helpless like "oh I can't do anything with my life ever which is why I'm here for my MRS degree so someone else can pay for my high-end lifestyle after I graduate." "Dad" is just a stronger, more respectful way without the ridiculousness of "Father." Dad is Dad. End of story.

Gimme, gimme, gimme...

We've figured out nicknames for my two partners in crime who are back from a semester in Italy and ready to roll (read: hang out together and complain about how much we'd rather be in a cooler place than this). Also, we as in my two friends and I... just to clarify.

LaFonda is a saucy soul out of Tulsa and is always the last one standing with me at parties. Think Spring Break sophomore year at this dude's house getting completely shut out at beer pong and all of the guys telling us we had to do a naked run around the house. Turned out the guys insisted on doing the naked run themselves... It's not like we cared at all; They were all swimmers and had gorgeous bodies. And she was the only one who spent the night at their house with me. But I think that could've been because our friends didn't want to come pick us up. Hmm. Anyway, LaFonda, despite the nickname, is white and goofy as all hell. I'm glad to have her as a friend.

Spilf (I think? It's German... whatever.) or Chickitita (we haven't officially decided) was my roommate last year. We grew up in the same town together and have grown into great friends. A piece of me was missing when she was away in Italy and I'm very glad to have her back. Not only is she the most fashionable person I know, she actually has real interests such as any kind of gossip, politics, and legal issues. Mostly celebrity gossip thought. She's addicted. But, I love her anyway.

Crackberry called me last night so I could confirm that we didn't hook up this summer and haven't, well, ever. I guess his lady friend didn't seem to believe his story that our relationship is platonic. And she's not the first one to think otherwise which is weird. I think people would figure out that it's a bit difficult to keep up a sexual relationship when you're 1400 miles away from someone. Guess not. It does really suck being so far away from one of my really good friends. I don't like that part at all.

On a more immediate note: Alpha Gay and I secured our tickets for Spring Break. Boston and New York City had better watch out because we'll be there in two months!

Yeti: whats the point of being with someone for an extended period of time if you dont see it going somewhere? esp by the time you're my age

Says the 24 year-old. 

Shkibaaaaaaa.

I'm currently in the office. Alone. All alone. All alone and so incredibly bored. Today's entertainment: A lady and her family from Afghanistan are having issues with USCIS, not unlike most people who go to their Congresspeople for help. USCIS = US Citizenship and Immigration Services (for those new to the program). Apparently this lady isn't very tech savvy because she faxed 17 pages over here one by one. And let me tell you, our fax machine is one of those really annoying HP ones that has a ridiculous ring to it. I wanted to go all Office Space on its ass and murder it.

I think I get to leave early because all I'm doing is answering the phone and occupying space. I hope I do. I'm bored.

Update: The lady faxed 19 pages over. I figured out about a half an hour later that the fax machine was out of paper and out came two more glorious pages from her. I didn't get to leave early either. It's Friday at 5:00 and I could settle down with a good book and be okay for the night. I'm lame.