I'm So Good at Playing Pretend

Every morning as I walk past the jail, there is about a 97.2% chance that I'm going to get hit on by at least one attractive gentleman gallantly being released from prison. Today was one such day, as was yesterday. I really wish I could do more to satisfy these men other than completely ignore them. The "Aye little mama's" and "Howdy purdy lady, yer sher lookin' purdy sexeh's" are just way too much to resist, but somehow I manage to pretend these men don't exist.

Now, I'm a pretty conservative girl. I enjoy my Republicanism, but before this internship I was warned to keep my political opinions to a minimum, so I did. And I guess I didn't realize how well I kept my opinions to myself (because I'm an incredibly opinionated person). But, as I was killing time on DrudgeReport today, one of the investigators came up to me and exclaimed, "YOU'RE A CONSERVATIVE?!" My reply was something to the tune of, "Thank God, I am!" He was so surprised, and I was even more surprised that I had actually passed as a liberal all summer without even trying. Good thing I can make up for it by going back to intern for a Republican politician this coming semester.

Tomorrow is the last day of my internship, and I'm pretty sad. I've had such a good time and the people are so great. I really hope they allow me to come back again at some point in my future legal education and legal career.

I Win

Coming back from a wonderful three day weekend was really hard. I got little sleep on Friday and little sleep on Saturday due to being in DC, but a lot of sleep last night when I got home. Even so, I still felt this weekend's affects. Getting out of bed this morning was the most grueling task ever. But, have no fear, I did make it into work on time, with coffee in hand.

Today was a special day because I became the senior intern in our unit. A new intern who just took the bar this year started today. Why is this special? I'm the only undergrad intern. He has passed the bar and can actually do real legal work. I have the computer and was given all of the assignments today. I win.

How to Build Street Cred

Yesterday after closing arguments, Frieda and I went back up to our cubicles to get some work done. Then the fire alarms started going off. Everyone on our floor started milling around asking each other whether or not we should ignore the alarms. We all decided it was a false alarm and went back to serious legal work including, but not limited to, standing around and joking with each other about the idiots who were probably evacuating the building. McProsecutor eventually came in and told us that there had been a fire in the holdover cells in the courtroom where this murder trial had taken place. We eventually learned that the defendant had kicked in the fire alarm which triggered the sprinklers to go off all over this courtroom and the holdover cells.

So, how do you build street cred? You murder a guy, piss off the jury, then get sentenced to basically half of your remaining life in prison. To top it all off, you hit the fire alarm. Yuh, yuh, homie, you're a certified gangsta now.

Thug Life

Murder trials with a touch of gang violence are fun. Except when you misjudge what stage the trial is in and accidentally sit on the defendant's side and get surrounded by gang bangers (apparently that's the proper term for homies in a gang). Frieda and I did that yesterday. I turned my ID badge around so none of them could Google me and come kill me. Then I wondered if gangsters knew how to use the internet because one attorney in our unit joked that gangsters can't read. When more and more members of this gang kept coming in the courtroom, the judge ordered more bailiffs. That didn't really help Frieda and I because we were literally pinned up against the wall surrounded by thugs. We did get out alive and no one has come to rape or murder me so I'm thinking I'm good to go. I'm considering joining a gang. I'm thug enough.

McProsecutor is trying a kiddie case next week and I'm so excited to watch. This is the first case he's tried all summer. Rumor has it that his mother might come cheer him on. Adorable? Yes.

The Story of the Magic Boxes

Once upon a time, in not-so-far-away Courthouse Castle, there sat six magical boxes with three in each row. Those who entered these magical boxes were instantly (well, sometimes) taken away to their destination of choice. But, something strange would happen to special people when they stepped into one of the boxes.

You see, these special people were in Courthouse Castle for an important reason: they were paying for the crimes they had committed. While this isn't necessarily a glamorous reason for being in Courthouse Castle, these special people must ride the magic boxes to their final destinations.

The magic boxes are activated by brightly lit buttons that are typically pressed by the people in need of being taken from place to place in Courthouse Castle. However, after the special people board the magic boxes, they expect it to take them exactly where they need to go. Once they arrive at the floor they need (or pretty much on any floor), a look of extreme surprise crosses their face at where they have arrived. Other times, the special people stare at you like you're supposed to know where they are supposed to go and then ask you if they can get off on your floor, which happens to be a floor with no courtrooms at all. Or, these special people walk onto the magic box and proceed to get angry with you because they got on the magic box that is going up instead of down or vice versa.

Today was a special day, for this lowly peasant intern rode in a magic box with the King of Courthouse Castle (aka the Boss Boss, the District Attorney). 'Twas fate, it was. For this intern had mistakenly exited the magic box onto the wrong floor and had to wait for another magic box to pick her up and take her up two more floors. This intern was lucky, for this magic box's steel jaws opened to reveal the Boss Boss, who started to walk out of the magic box only to realize he was not on the floor he wanted to be on. Laughing, the Boss Boss joked with this intern about wanting to get out whenever the little bells chimed.

So, the King of Courthouse Castle and the lowly peasant joked and talked for the next 45 seconds until they reached their final destination. Then the intern was hired four years later after she completed law school.

And they all lived happily ever after.

The End.

Lame.

I've been in one place for far too long. I'm bored with life. I need to go on a trip somewhere really soon or I'll probably self-combust.

Reason #83467 Why I Love Texas

My best girlfriend from high school lives in College Station, Texas (where the, um, infamous Texas A&M is located). Apparently there are tornadoes going through College Station right at this moment and here's what she texts me:

Aggie Friend: Omg me Emily and Misty and 2 dogs and poor Phoebe [the cat] are sitting in my bathroom because there are tornadoes the next street over

Me: Ahhh!! Oh no! At least y'all are in a safe place!

Aggie Friend: Don't worry, we just got beer