Daily Self-Esteem Boost

Some old man called the office this morning asking if I knew if Obama takes 3,000 Secret Service agents with him when he travels. Having absolutely no clue Thinking it was a matter of national security that the number of agents traveling with the president at various times remain a secret, I politely told him that that was beyond my knowledge. Plus, I'm just a lowly intern, they don't tell me these things. He wasn't too happy with that explanation so he got my name and told me that I am "an ignorant idiot who doesn't deserve to work in a Congressional office." Gee, thanks.

Obama is the New Postman

Me: Office of Congressperson.
Cracked out woman: Yes, ma'am, I'd like to let y'all know that I'm staying at the night shelter tonight.
Me: Okay...
Cracked out woman: Yes, ma'am, and I just wanted you to know that all of my monies and my credit cards and papers are in a box in the Post Office that is contolled by the government and Obama. I don't have the money to get a safety deposit box here at the shelter because Obama has all of my money.
Me: I'm sorry, why don't you have the money?
Cracked out woman: BECAUSE OBAMA HAS IT. Yes, ma'am, he does. And I think it'd be pretty embarrassing for me to have to put out all of these arrest warrants for Obama and the rest of his administration. Thank you, ma'am, bye.

ESPN Hates You

I follow a blog that lives and breathes my school's athletic program. The following link showed up on a post recently... the last point is the funniest, though you may find hilarity in it all!

Enjoy!

Math Sucks

Jimmy doesn't lie.

I have my first precal test at 10. Yes, precal... that class you usually take your last two years of high school. For some unknown reason, my major requires me to take calculus. Math and I don't get along so, I'm taking precal to relearn everything I learned in high school.

My problem at the moment is that I can't bullshit math. In all of my other classes for my major, I've gotten to write wonderful essays where there has never been one right answer. The right answer has always been what you can justify well as your answer. This leaves room for some excellent bullshitting. In precal? Not so much. (I'm also failing to find a purpose in all of these random numbers and letters, but that's a story for a different day.)

New game strategy: Run far away from anything with a negative and/or fractional exponent.

Dear Dad,

I will be hiring a tutor next week. I am a very smart person but math does not make me feel that way.

I'll Try to be Better with Blogging From Now On

I've really been neglecting my blog, and for that, I do apologize. After spending the first couple weeks of class pretending that school didn't apply to me yet, it has officially hit me hard in the head. I'm back at the local Congresswoman's office that I worked for last fall. Congressman Badass's office just didn't quite do it for me. Anyway, the long days of listening to constituents bitch and moan and then professors drone on and on are back. And it's not fun.

Today a man called the office convinced that any kind of health care reform is unconstitutional. He then proceeded to attempt to convince me that it's unconstitutional and kept asking me why this issue hadn't been brought up yet. I figured calling him an idiot would be a bad idea. Good thing I had to go to class and I just passed him off to a case worker.

While I realize tomorrow is only Wednesday, is it the weekend yet?

Can I Graduate Yet?

So I'm a senior this year and I think that gives me a little bit more experience and wisdom, and gets me more respect around campus. The cute little freshmen, who don't really have any experience, tend to do things that cause people to lose respect for them. For example, as I was walking to my first class this morning:

A freshman girl in a bid day shirt from a pretty "reputable" sorority comes dancing up to her friends singing loud enough for all to hear: "Ohhhh myyyy Godddd, guys, I'm stillllll fuckingggggg drunnnnnnk from last niiiiiiiiight!"

Not even 30 seconds later I pass three freshman frat rushees talking to each other. One guy is in a blazer (it's over 90-degrees, by the way) and is talking to his friend in a classic Easter egg colored Polo. Blazer kid says: "Dudes, today is going to be a beautiful day. I've already puked twice!!" His friends responded with high fives and "Duuuuuude, awesomeeeee!!"

Welcome to college, little ones. We are watching you, and we are judging you.

No More Singing and Clapping, Please

Today was the first day of work week. I think I've lost a few IQ points in the process. I also realized that I basically conducted voir dire on my rush group. Is it time for law school yet? No? One more year of undergrad? Fine. Be that way, Life.