Overheard in the Elevator

In the elevator on Friday with the other guy intern (I'll refer to him as Fritz from now on, because I can):

Alleged Criminal (to Fritz): So what'd they get you for?

Fritz: Um, well nothing... I work here.

Alleged Criminal: Oh so you're a lawyer?

Fritz: No, but I'm in law school right now.

Alleged Criminal: Yeah, man, I've been in here so many times I probably should go to law school. I've figured out how the system works. They need lawyers like me.

Criminal is My Homeboy

There was an Aggravated Robbery/Assault of a Public Servant case going on this week that finished today. The defense attorney was the epitome of a "Good Ol' Texas Boy." The defendant had been involved in gangs and was already a convicted felon at the ripe old age of 21. Needless to say, there were extreme cultural differences between attorney and client. At one point while the court was in recess today, the two prosecutors are chatting with the defense attorney...

Defense Attorney: "What are you talking about? I have to defend him to the best of my ability because he's my homeboy!"

Prosecutor: "Oh yeah, I bet y'all keep it real on the weekends."

Then, during closing arguments in the punishment phase, the defense attorney gave the most long-winded, 25 minute long eloquent closing, during which, a female juror began to cry. Then she began to practically sob. The judge stifled her laughter but the bailiffs weren't so subtle. Neither were the interns. Or the female juror sitting next to waterworks lady. No one knows why the hell she was crying, but I would put money on it being the defense's never ending closing.

Life: 17, Interns: 0

Today was "Loopy Friday" for the other two interns and I. Provided below is a list of our--mostly my--failures during the nine hours we were at the office.

1. I arrive to find a present from the Chief (read: six cases with four different motions a piece) on my desk. My task: Make a zillion copies, file some, file stamp some, fax some, scan some. This wasn't too difficult of a task until the almighty copier decided to smear ink all over the copies I was making.

2. After recopying motions for the two cases that got painted by the Konica Minolta, I got hit by the elevator doors as I was running to the clerk's office. A prominent defense attorney saw the whole thing. And laughed.

3. I forgot how to load staples into the stapler. Apparently they were supposed to go on the other side of the spring. Good thing I asked everyone within the vicinity of me how to work a stapler.

3. The guy intern broke/jammed the printer a grand total of four times.

4. The other girl intern went to see one of our investigators. She completely blanked on where his office was and ended up asking the Chief Prosecutor of another unit on a completely different floor if he could serve one of our subpoenas. Our investigator's office is maybe eight feet from this girl's desk.

5. I somehow broke the top drawer in the filing cabinet. It just doesn't open anymore.

6. We waged yet another war on the printer that kept getting jammed/broken.

7. While converting a 911 call from one format to another, the guy in the audio/video lab ended up recording Mr. T. saying, "THAT'S JIBBA JABBA!" right over the victim's story. Good thing we still had the original.

Needless to say, the three of us laughed hard and loud for the better part of today. So, while we made ourselves look like complete morons, we had fun. It did make us feel better to see that the chief made the following mistakes on the motions I dealt with:

1. Court: County Criminal Court Nmber Five (on every motion)

2. Mr. Criminal, represented by her attorney, Mr. Defense Attorney.

3. Inserting the name of the completely wrong attorney on the motions for one case.

Watch out, world! Comes now, brilliant legal minds.

I'm in a Big Fluffy Cloud

So yesterday I found out that I am the ONLY undergrad intern in the whole intern program. You may be asking, "Wow, how did you beat out actual law students who know more than you do?" My answer? Fuck if I know. Maybe it's because they don't have to pay me. But regardless--how did I get this internship? Who knows? I'm just glad I got it. Glad that I now get to surround myself with sex offenders and wife beaters (actual people, not the tank top). I fill my days with subpoena applications, victim statements, office bullshit (read: whiting out and writing in the name of the ex-DA because the Chief Prosecutor forgot to change the name on, say, all of the motions for his docket next Wednesday then letting him know he had a string stuck to his face right before he walked into the courtroom), 911 calls, and watching prosecutors punish evil doers. And I guess working with McProsecutor on a daily basis isn't the worst thing in the world. (Okay, it's awesome, I won't lie.)

Today during one of my three trips to the clerk's office (first I left off the case number on the subpoenas then I brought down the wrong motions... no one could tell I was an intern) I ran into a woman on the elevator wearing a low cut shirt with "STEVE" in cursive tattooed across her chest, above her boobs. When reporting the amusing sight to my fellow interns, I pondered what would happen if she and "STEVE" ever broke up. The other girl intern and I decided that we'd probably just date Steves for the rest of our lives. Then she said, "Wait until she gets older--her love grows longer with time!"

Then, when we were interviewing a new victim, we asked her if she felt safe around her boyfriend who allegedly beat her with an internet router. She claims: "Of course I feel safe around him! When I put my arms around him it feels like I'm in a big fluffy cloud." Did I mention she had a black eye? Yeah, we thought it screamed "Brady notice!" too.

Today I found out that my blog (along with The Namby Pamby, the Alleged Lady, and Law with Grace) all made the Top 16 Most Entertaining Law Blogs on Lawlygagging! This was back in February but my dad found it (yes, my dad reads my blog... hi Dad!) and I was pretty excited to see that 1.) People actually read my blog!!; and 2.) I was put in the same category with three blogs I read all the time. So thank you, Lawlygagging, for letting me know that this blog isn't just for my own amusement! I'm a nerd--don't judge.

Justice: 1, Sex Offender: 0

I should get my blogging privileges taken away since I rarely do it nowadays. But, on to bigger and better things....

I started my internship at the DA's office last Wednesday. It is seriously one of the coolest, most interesting internships I've ever had. The attorneys in the division I'm interning in are firm believers of learning by doing. Since I'm the only undergrad student in our division (maybe even the only one, period), it takes me a little bit longer to get things than the two other interns that just finished their 2L year. So, I pretty much keep my mouth shut and listen/learn until I'm confused, have a question, or decide to make a joke. I've been shadowing the Chief Prosecutor for the past couple of days. He's this huge black man who looks incredibly intimidating but is one of the nicest, coolest guys I've ever met (even though he gave me roughly 600 pages of sex offender therapy records to read).

Because our office has a "learning by doing" philosophy, the two other interns and I are able to sit and watch a few trials each week. I have already learned so much about court proceedings, motions, subpoenas, witnesses, plea bargains, and a bunch of stuff about the Texas Criminal Code. For some reason I've really enjoyed watching voir dire. Maybe it's because that process isn't something I'm very familiar with at this point. However, I bet I'll be sick of it by the time the summer ends.

Today, one of the interns and I had a huge victory over a printer. How many interns does it take to make a phone call and print a subpoena duces tecum for medical records? Three. (I had no idea there were different kinds of subpoenas until today.)

Also, the Crimes Against Children Unit served up some justice today by locking away a former Yankees player for aggravated sexual assault. Go prosecutors!

So, needless to say, I'm really enjoying this internship and I'm very excited to go to the office every day--even though I have to wake up at 6:30 every morning.

LSAT Over.

Today feels like it has been the longest day of my life. I'm exhausted. And my brain hurts. Drinking ensued the moment I got back to my apartment. However, I didn't feel the immediate need to cancel my score right then and there so I guess that's a good sign. I find out my score on my birthday (three weeks from today) which isn't awesome in the slightest. 

On the bright side: The September LSAT should go much smoother since I now know what to expect!

LSAT

LSAT tomorrow at 12:30pm. Not. Fun.

Sorry I've been slacking on the blogging. I've been studying for this stupid test and acing summer school classes. However, I start my internship at the DA's Office on Wednesday so there should be some interesting stories coming y'all's way soon!

Wish me luck!