Letter of the Day

Contents of a letter we received at the office today, about three-quarters of the way down a sheet of notebook paper torn out of a spiral:

"You need to award every freshman student with a free 40-ounce smoothie from Smoothie King for perfect A's and B's on their report cards."

The senior case worker in the office wanted to take this letter seriously. She tried to defend it by saying that the hand writing looked like it belonged to a little kid. I can find a few issues with that defense:

1. Many of my guy friends have hand writing similar to that kid's. Just because the only male case worker in the office has extremely girlie hand writing doesn't mean all males do.

2. Key word: Freshman.

3. The kid was probably high as a fucking kite and craving Smoothie King. End of story! I am NOT putting that in the computer as a legislative comment and you cannot make me do it.

I also forgot that today was Ash Wednesday and was very very close to telling the male case worker in the office that he had dirt on his forehead when he came into the office after his morning Mass. Thank God I am learning to think before I speak. Additionally, I haven't decided what I'm giving up for Lent. I'm not Catholic. I don't even really care. I just feel that with Spring Break coming up and everything, I should give some kind of food up. 

Seriously?

Update to yesterday's post on H.R. 80: Congress has officially burst the bubble of every person who has ever wanted a monkey as a pet. Sorry, Curious George, you've got to go.

My school hasn't had a moot court team in years and the political science department has decided to create one for next year. Since I'll be a Senior with nothing else on my plate (yeah, right), I've decided to tryout. The case I have to argue is US v. Williams about free speech and the marketing of child porn. Any advice would be fabulous!

I had my very first LSAT-related dream last night. In my dream I had woken up one morning to realize that I was taking the LSAT the next day and I had no idea what I was doing because I hadn't studied at all. Then my alarm went off and I woke up in a slight panic. I assume there will be many similar dreams to come. Bring it on, brain!

I died laughing watching this video earlier. 

Dear Congress,

Stop "considering" stupid bills and work on fixing our country. Thanks.

If anyone calls today about H.R. 80 (aka the Captive Primate Safety Act) I will laugh in their face. Seriously, if you buy any sort of pet with a mind of its own, you automatically assume the risk that your pet might kick your ass. I think the only exception to that would be a fish-- and one without teeth, if we're being technical.

A Math Problem

Two and a half hours of sleep 

+ Ridiculous amounts of studying 

+ Arabic words and names I still can't pronounce 

+ A ton of good luck that my professors wanted to be nice to us 

+ Sexy new Ray Bans 

+ Being an excellent bullshitter 

+ Sam Adams at 3:30 in the afternoon

+ New law school info packets to look through

+ My weekend starting now

= The celebration of kicking ass on both of my tests and thinking life is pretty damn good.

Now, the only thing missing is my happy little self in NOLA for Mardi Gras. Too bad I have this thing called the LSAT to study for. Yay law school!

I Don't Care, I'm Still Correct

As I had expected, my Am. Law class last night yielded fun times. We got to role play! All of his hypotheticals involved the introduction of a new Canon of Construction. In our first case, I got to play prosecutor. I won my case in both the "trial" and "appellate" courts (as if there had been any doubt I wouldn't win in the first place). Since no one in my class likes to talk or participate, I took it upon myself to volunteer for roles in the next few cases and got a couple of eye rolls from the 28 year-old teaching my class. I played the trial judge in one case and the appellate judge in the next. In my decision as the trial judge, I added my own opinion of what I thought the prosecutor forgot to argue. Even though I had disregarded the correct process altogether, I had a valid point. This conversation proceeded:

28 year-old guy teaching my class: Do you know what dictum means?

Me: No.

Him, while laughing: Well, it's part of the judge's decision that is completely irrelevant. It doesn't help the judge come to his decision, it's just something he wants to throw out there to make his decision more painful for us to read. So, thank you for your opinion, Miss Intern, but nobody cares!

-Everyone laughs-

Me: Gah, I'm going to be a great judge one day! I'll be taking campaign contributions after class, thank you!

This reminds me of a time in 8th grade when my English teacher, Mr. I Think I'm Hot Shit, called me an instigator. I didn't know what that meant at the time so I went home and looked it up in a dictionary. Since then, I have thought of that story probably every time I've heard the word.

The moral of the story? I will now forever remember the first time I learned the definition of dictum. Faaaaaantastic.

Oh, and last night I ripped the crotch in my jeans when my foot got stuck and I fell over. Then, five minutes into my first class today, I spilled coffee all down my shirt. What the hell? I'm a mess.

El dia de Presidentes

Which could also be the day of el Presidente margaritas at Chilis. But I digress...

1. Interning for the government is fun because you get so many days off! (You also get don't get paid much. In my case, I work for a great recommendation letter and networking. No moolah.)

2. My American law class is tonight. I'm excited. Good stories should come of it.

And best of all....

3. My very first blog award! This high honor was presented to me by Daisy of Legally Blonde Ambition, who-I must admit-I would love to be friends with if I lived in Chicago. (Maybe in a year and a half?) I read her blog religiously and laugh frequently so you should too! 

However, I wish I knew of eight blogs to pass this onto. Seeing as I've only been on here a month and the only people who know about it are my friends who don't have blogs, maybe this is a chance for my poor little blog to get some comments and some new friends! So, I'm going to follow Daisy's fudging of the rules and say that I will bestow this fabulous award onto anyone who comments. Fire away!

Now for the award (cue the trumpets):

These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.

It's true: I have the best dad ever.

I wasn't expecting anything for Valentine's Day except for a nice time with my partners in crime and my Kaplan LSAT book. Then, my dad surprised me at 8:00 this morning! He drove all the way out to my house at school to deliver my Valentine's Day present which consisted of: 

1. A box of assorted Sam Adams.

2. A bottle of Absolut Citron.

3. Small box of assorted Godiva Chocolates

aaaaaaand...

4. My very first piece of Tiffany's jewelry! 

I was so excited to see the robin's egg blue bag and the box with the pretty red bow! Yay. Today has been great.

Shakespeare's... ahhhhh

Even though the ATX might have been the death of me, it was an absolute blast!

We met with the Governor (rich tool whose ass will be dominated by KBH in the gubernatorial election), the Lieutenant Governor (robot who doesn't wear Vineyard Vines ties), Speaker of the House, and various other State Representatives and Senators. The House also passed a resolution in our honor. We're just that big of a deal. The schmoozing part was easy and fun but didn't compare to 6th Street.

Wednesday night was spent at the Four Seasons bar (high class) where I accidently spilled a drink on my lap (not so classy). The company I kept consisted of four guys. I loved my odds. Anyway, we went to a weird techno dance bar first that reminded me of the Eurotrash bar Yeti and I ended up at one night on K Street. We left after one of the guys accidently kicked a beer bottle off the second floor staircase and almost hit some guy (take note of all these accidents). So, we went down the street to Shakespeare's and spent a few hours there. I did my friendly duty of buying a round of shots for our crew. Apparently there were also girls flashing us from the stage. They must not have been impressive enough because I didn't remember that. Oh, and we ate pizza at the end of the night. That is something else I don't remember.... Or, maybe my mind just wants to block out the stripper moments. That has to be it.

The next morning we had to be up at 6:30. That really sucked. Welcome to the real world: You have fun at bars with your friends, then you have to work in the morning! Woo hoo! I feel like a real politician/lobbyist now! 

As exhausted as I was last night when we got home, that trip will forever be one of my favorite trips I've ever taken. And "Shakespeare's" has become a terribly hilarious inside joke for those of us who were there. Awesome trip.

Packing Sucks

Tomorrow I head down to the ATX to see how I do at this lobbying thing. I'm way excited! I also probably won't pack until the last minute. Woo hoo!

I'm pretty bummed because I'm not so sure DC will work out this summer. I have a Hill internship pretty much locked in but they'd only have me work two or three days a week. Laaaaame. I'd like an internship I can actually get something out of, not just do bitch work because I enjoy being a slave. However, I have been talking to people around the area and I might end up clerking for a judge or interning at a firm downtown. It doesn't even compare to the awesomeness that is DC, but I guess it'll suffice as a backup. I love The District. I miss it all the time. I'll keep the blog world updated.

I went to Target this afternoon to get a few things for my trip and almost vomited in the Valentines Day aisle. It was gross. Valentines Day is my least favorite holiday. It's stupid and pointless and it's really not that I'm bitter; I just really dislike all of the pink and frilliness and huge overstuffed bears and jewelry commercials, ect. It's like women will withhold sex if they don't get one of these ridiculous presents. What. A. Joke. Valentines Day is stupid. But! The chocolate goes on sale the day after. Happy February 15, friends!

Today's quote comes from my Presidential Leadership professor, in regards to Thomas Jefferson:

"As a man, you know you've done extremely well for yourself if people are still talking about your sex life 200 years after your death!"

Just One Thing...

DALLAS... ... STARS!!!

4-1 over the Nashville Predators tonight. I was there. It was wonderful. I have got to start going to more games... Only if the real world didn't interfere with them though. Fact about me: I'd rather attend any kind of professional sporting event than go to my stupid sorority meetings. This is exactly what I did tonight. 

It. Was. Totally. Worth. It.

This is a story about some boys from Texas

Who know how to get down

And you know we'll be the life of the party

So let's get this started now!

Toilet Humor

So, I'm sick again. According to a nurse at my doctor's office that I talked to over the phone yesterday, I have a mild case of the flu. But, don't worry, I got my flu shot so it shouldn't get any worse. If it does get worse, I'm stuck with more time in the hospital than I spent in jail that one unfortunate New Year's Day. No one has time for that. The worst part about it is that I can't laugh without it turning into a terrible coughing fit. Come. Freaking. On. I have the same professor for two of my classes (one of the perks of attending a small private school) and he's absolutely hysterical. Every single time I laughed/coughed up a lung, he'd make fun of me which would, in turn, increase my bouts of laugh-coughing. What a fun game that was.

I haven't mentioned my roommates before because I'm afraid they will discover this blog and get pissed. Why? Because of posts like this one: I have a blonde roommate and a brunette roommate. Blonde is single; Brunette has a Jewish boyfriend of roughly 11 months that has told her blatantly that they have no future together because he is Jewish and she is Catholic (say it with me: womp womp). 

Brunette sucks. She's insecure so she tries to belittle me with ridiculous comments that should break a fragile little girl down (one such as herself). I roll my eyes and continue to piss her off and hope she feels better about herself when she says such things to me. At least until I backhand her and she learns her place. (Okay, fine, that's never going to happen; I'll leave it to a future abusive boyfriend. Was that distasteful? My bad.) C'est la vie. Moving on. 

Brunette and I share a bathroom on the first floor of our house. The toilet broke last night. I noticed the break first and decided to deal with it later on in the night once the time suited me. But before I could get to it, Brunette's boyfriend used the toilet and it went psycho on him. Apparently water was coming out from the base of the toilet and it was over flowing and everything. Brunette starts flipping shit... literally shit might've started coming out (I don't know, I stayed in my room pretending to read for class... hell, the toilet wasn't my problem anymore). My room is right next to the bathroom and our walls are thin so I could hear pretty much everything. Here's basically how it went down:

Brunette: FUCK! WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?! WHY IS IT FUCKING DOING THAT?!

Her Boyfriend: Dude, I don't know. (As he is plunging the toilet.)

Brunette: WHY IS THIS FUCKING HAPPENING?! UUUUUUGH! WHAT DO I DO?! WHAT DO I DO!?

Her Boyfriend: I don't know. Looks like I'm doing everything anyway.

Brunette: WE NEED TOWELS! UUUUUGH! WHY DON'T WE HAVE RAGS OR CRAPPY TOWELS?! I DON'T WANT TO USE THE GOOD ONES! I'LL GET PAPER TOWELS!

Her Boyfriend: Gross! Don't get paper towels. That's disgusting. (He's still plunging away as if his life depended on it.)

Brunette: WELL WHAT DO I DO?! THIS IS A MAN'S JOB! WHAT WOULD I DO IF YOU WEREN'T HERE?!

Her Boyfriend: You'd probably be screaming your damn head off even more. And you'd probably be crying.

Brunette: FUCK YOU, BOYFRIEND! (Slash insert name of her boyfriend there.)

--I stop paying attention for a while and go back to watching South Park.

Blonde Roommate: Did you see what happened to your toilet?

Me: No, why?

Blonde: It's like overflowing and stuff. It's really gross.

Me: Oh, that sucks.

Blonde: Shouldn't you probably be helping or at least doing something?

Me: --Silence--

--Blonde walks away.

I had texted our landlord about an hour prior to Brunette's boyfriend making the toilet break completely. Come to think of it, our landlord never responded. So, essentially, I did help out the situation. I just didn't have to physically deal with it. But now I have to go upstairs to use Blonde's bathroom when I have to piss. That's annoying.

Facebook cracks me up. Correction- OpEds about Facebook crack me up. See below:

You Can't Friend Me, I Quit! - Steve Tuttle

"On Facebook's fifth anniversary, a not-so-fond farewell."

25 Things I Didn't Want to Know About You - Claire Suddath

"People write 25 facts about themselves and post them on their Facebook pages."

A Case of the Mondays

What a beat down today was. I was at my house for a grand total of about one hour today. I left for work at 8:30, got home at 4:30. Changed clothes and made Bertoli pasta (which is delicious, by the way) and finished writing my briefs. Back out the door around 5:30ish for class at 6. Class ended at 8:30 then off to the sorority house for yet another one of the world's most redundant chapter meetings. Finally, home at 10:30.

 This weekend did nothing to normalize my sleep pattern so I was tired as balls at work and didn't want to deal with anyone's shit. I kept making stupid typos on case letters to agencies and constituents and I'd just assign it to a random case worker so they'd have to go back in and fix my mistakes because I was lazy. Whatever. They get paid, I don't. They can deal with it.

However, my Concepts in American Law professor/28 year-old white collar criminal defense attorney (who I really can't bring myself to call "professor" because I have friends that age and older and it just feels too odd to call him "professor") knows my name. And my name only out of the 30-40 kids in my class. I sit on the front row and I answer/ask questions and participate. And my last name is pretty memorable if you know it. Anyway, I now get to play a part in every one of his hypotheticals. It's great because I know he likes me (at least that's the impression I'm getting) and I get to play so many different roles. In one hypothetical, I was suing my ex-fiancee after he cheated on me and broke off our engagement. I wanted to pipe up and tell him that would be impossible because 1. Me? Have a fiancee? HA! Good joke. and, 2. I wouldn't have taken the sonofabitch to court, I would've simply broken his nose or curb stomped him. Or both. (Thanks for the new vocab, Crackberry!) 

Anyway, said 28 year-old who is taking my legal education virginity is a conservative as evidenced by his hilarious view of Californians as "those fucking whackos over there." I have a feeling he and I are going to get along famously this semester.